I got a chance to visit with Dad today (yesterday at this point in the night), and honestly, it was tough.
Dad spends most of his day trying to lay as still as possible to keep from becoming violently ill. He sounds weak and frail — and from what I can tell, he sounds so much stronger than he actually feels.
In the few moments we got to really talk — he was asleep for most of the visit — he told me that “it’s so much worse than he thought possible,” and that he “can’t fight this alone.”
I’m so glad I could be present with him in those moments of raw vulnerability. But words can’t express the helplessness of knowing there’s little I can do but pray and show up.
We still have real reason for hope from a medical perspective — but treatment is barely bearable, and we are just at the starting line.
Right now, good days and bad days are measured in how many times he’s sick — throwing up, unable to control his bowels, and living in fear of every cough because his body simply can’t hold on. Good days aren’t longer visits or walks outside anymore. A good day is laying still, eyes closed, and managing to keep things together a little longer than the day before.
I’m not confident Dad would love the level of vulnerability I’m sharing here — but despair is setting in hard right now.
Before I left, I asked him what gives him little bits of joy throughout the day. He said he loves when Mom reads him his cards and words of encouragement.
You guys make a difference. As he struggles to simply find the will to fight, knowing how many people love and care for him is everything.
PRAYER REQUESTS: We truly covet your prayers; prayers for complete and total healing, prayers for physical, mental, and emotional strength, prayers for respite. Prayers for mom as well as she tries hard to juggle the demands of normal life while also trying to be present with dad. It’s mentally and emotionally taxing to be healthy and sitting idly by for hours and days in a hospital room.
PRAISES: God is in this and God is good. In this update there’s little else that’s good, we cling to the promise that God is present and he is good, even when nothing else is.
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